The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
