She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
