Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
