I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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