Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
