i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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