But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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