I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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