know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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