I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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