What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
