You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
