Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
