whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
