she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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