so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
