I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
