did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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