im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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