you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
