Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
