Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
