SEEEEXXX PLEASE
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
