If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
