I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
