Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
