His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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