do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
