He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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