Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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