Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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