was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
