hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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