Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
