If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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