He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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