please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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