can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
