the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
