How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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