you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
