You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
