The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
