doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
