either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
