Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
