That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
