This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
