I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
