fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my poor anus
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
