I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
